Off topic =)

this is kind of off topic and something i would discuss in my other blog but this one cheers me up everytime (lol yeah just looking at the blog itself) because it's like a little secret personal world where everything is happy, safe, and sunny and i get to get away from this world and get hope that things can really get better. anyways, so today this will be a diary entry, just sharing some things that are on my mind right now. as i sit down to write this, i have lana del rey's song born to die playing in the background- that is the song i was craving at in this moment but it's more of like a happy mood (not depressing like this song is usually for me), this time i use it as a calming haven. i just wanna say a few things that i wanna reflect on from today- acting. and before i go into detail, i just wanna say, i had NO idea i loved acting so much in my entire life. i never got to explore this part of me though because of my dad but now that i have that part of me available- now that i have the freedom, i find out new things about myself everyday that i never knew. i've heard of drama club and the topic bored me, i never thought in a million years it would be something i would actually like even LOVE in the future. but what i did was misinterpreted it because what it really is, is most beautiful. it is soo beautiful, i have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. i can't explain it. it is so wonderful, soo pure, so innocent. there's nothing like it. life falls, people fail you, love comes and goes, but acting, acting never changes. it is the water of my soul, the purest, cleanest, most organic kind. the one that keeps your survival- the one that your life creates. you do nothing, you just feel- you shut up and you stand there, and you breathe and it's there. it comes naturally- nothing is forced, nothing is made-up- it is all there- from deep within you. such beauty, such amazing world inbetween your mind and soul- a world of beauty, waterfalls of this pure water. and you can't get enough. you drink and you never want to stop- and with it, you water the gardens and you water the world. you send the water rushing into dry soil- you take that water and you shape the entire world with it. the people that you touch, the broken hearts, you fill them up, you erase them of their pain. you take it one drop at a time and you make a difference- you change the world. but it's really not you, it's the pure existence of it- you just take it and you can't thank God enough for it. this life is not easy- having to be around people makes me be someone that i'm not but with acting, i can always be myself. i can get lost and forget my pain, i can get away from this world through acting. now i know that in the future, i want my career to be acting. and the hardest part for me, that i have ever done in my life is admitting this but you know what i don't choose a career- the career chooses me because it's someone i am- someone i am born with, it's someone that i already am and it's tought to have to find that out about myself (the hardest career to find!) but i must stay true to myself and i must accept that about me, because anything can happen. in the future, i hope i get to do what i love the most and i hope it is the smallest possible role i get to play but as long as i get to drink this pure water of acting, as long as i get to do what i love to do- i will be alive in mind and soul. it's so wonderful to be in this place right now. but for now, i gotta get my head out of fantasy and get back to reality.