dream kitchen

ok so yesterday i got lost about where i was going with my point, i feel like that most of the time =\ i feel like life is one tangled up web so im going to take it apart one little tiny string at a time. so today's string i wanna focus on is what would i eat/consume. my meal would consist of whatever it is that im craving at the moment. i usually eat healthy actually! i dont like fast food (once in a while) but most of the time, i eat some kind of grains, soups, and vegetables with meat. if i had my dream kitchen, this is some of the things i would have: *a variety of fresh vegetables *fresh flowers (not really food lol) *cheese products (milk, cheese) *the basics (eggs, butter) *greens including barley, lettuce, and dill *frozen goods *meat like chicken and sausages *spicy condiments like garlic *sauces and other condiments including gravy *herbs and other natural products *organic red wine (use only for health remedies) *all the right, fancy tools (in bright colors preferably red) *no juice (or if u want, make ur own in juice maker) *nuts like hazelnut and almond for snacks

Adrenal Fatigue

So ive been really depressed and exhausted and the one thing i've learned in my book: the mood cure is all about adrenal exhaustion. its been SUCH a blessing to find this book- it's exactly what i needed to hear so im basing everything ive got going on in my life off of that book, well not EVERYTHING but u know, health wise. anyways, so the book talks about the fact that to repair them there's a bunch of things you gotta do and eating healthy, organic stuff is one of them. well i can't afford that. if i had a slightly better job =[ but i dont. so i need to find one and i want to b on my own. i wanna get my own place. but i will have to work a lot more. omgod i dont kno what i want.

Learning personality through the iris of the eye

This awesomely cool thing i learned the other day is reading someone's personality through their iris!! that's right-- how awesome is that?!! and you know me, fanatic of the idea of a mentalist or reading people- i jumped right on the subject to find out as more about this as i could. http://iridology.webs.com/ actually i just read it is all fiction - iridology is a myth so i guess i got pumped up for nothing. =(

Off topic =)

this is kind of off topic and something i would discuss in my other blog but this one cheers me up everytime (lol yeah just looking at the blog itself) because it's like a little secret personal world where everything is happy, safe, and sunny and i get to get away from this world and get hope that things can really get better. anyways, so today this will be a diary entry, just sharing some things that are on my mind right now. as i sit down to write this, i have lana del rey's song born to die playing in the background- that is the song i was craving at in this moment but it's more of like a happy mood (not depressing like this song is usually for me), this time i use it as a calming haven. i just wanna say a few things that i wanna reflect on from today- acting. and before i go into detail, i just wanna say, i had NO idea i loved acting so much in my entire life. i never got to explore this part of me though because of my dad but now that i have that part of me available- now that i have the freedom, i find out new things about myself everyday that i never knew. i've heard of drama club and the topic bored me, i never thought in a million years it would be something i would actually like even LOVE in the future. but what i did was misinterpreted it because what it really is, is most beautiful. it is soo beautiful, i have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. i can't explain it. it is so wonderful, soo pure, so innocent. there's nothing like it. life falls, people fail you, love comes and goes, but acting, acting never changes. it is the water of my soul, the purest, cleanest, most organic kind. the one that keeps your survival- the one that your life creates. you do nothing, you just feel- you shut up and you stand there, and you breathe and it's there. it comes naturally- nothing is forced, nothing is made-up- it is all there- from deep within you. such beauty, such amazing world inbetween your mind and soul- a world of beauty, waterfalls of this pure water. and you can't get enough. you drink and you never want to stop- and with it, you water the gardens and you water the world. you send the water rushing into dry soil- you take that water and you shape the entire world with it. the people that you touch, the broken hearts, you fill them up, you erase them of their pain. you take it one drop at a time and you make a difference- you change the world. but it's really not you, it's the pure existence of it- you just take it and you can't thank God enough for it. this life is not easy- having to be around people makes me be someone that i'm not but with acting, i can always be myself. i can get lost and forget my pain, i can get away from this world through acting. now i know that in the future, i want my career to be acting. and the hardest part for me, that i have ever done in my life is admitting this but you know what i don't choose a career- the career chooses me because it's someone i am- someone i am born with, it's someone that i already am and it's tought to have to find that out about myself (the hardest career to find!) but i must stay true to myself and i must accept that about me, because anything can happen. in the future, i hope i get to do what i love the most and i hope it is the smallest possible role i get to play but as long as i get to drink this pure water of acting, as long as i get to do what i love to do- i will be alive in mind and soul. it's so wonderful to be in this place right now. but for now, i gotta get my head out of fantasy and get back to reality.

Home Remedies

found a cool webpage with some awesome home remedies to cure some really annoying stuff. so cool- check it out: http://www.oddee.com/item_98376.aspx?utm_source=knowd.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=10-weirdest-home-remedies-that-actually-work

Cranky mood

Ugh, i hate this mood i'm in. i mean it's not all too bad. i'd say about an 8 out of 10, so it can be a lot worse, but i've been so blank, like feeling nothing: not wanting anything, not loving anything, not wanting, just super depressed and not even into it and i think i know why. it's this whole thing with religion. i think i might become non-christian, just a believer. i don't believe in a loving God who demands perfection so there. sure i believe He is there, and God He is there with him, the heaven exists and hell but i give up. i'm not gonna give up the things i like (make-up, being outrageous (oversexual like britney spears), but at the same time i am giving those things up because i know i can't have them and i'm like not here nor there. i don't know cuz knowing God doesn't like me the way i am saddens me and even rebelling against him doesn't help- i can't like the things he doesn't like. i think that's the whole problem but nope not gonna give in, all my life that's what my dad did, he took away everything that brought me joy, everything i loved and put my heart into and now God is doing the same thing to me? not gonna happen. in fact, i've been avoiding religion. i stopped reading the Bible in fear that it's going to force me into changing into someone i'm not and i just don't force anything unto myself anymore and u know what, it feels natural and more honest than forcing myself into something i don't even mean when i do it (like giving up my love for fashion or make-up.) I guess the reason I am sad is because i know God isn't accepting of me and is trying to change me and that's what makes me not want anything anymore cuz i'm so depressed but i'm trying u know, i'm gonna fight this life, i'll be ok, i'll make this work out. i won't let this get me down, i'll find a way and if i don't, i'll fight for it.

Let's talk about love

Love i think is very very important to our survival. Whether it's from family or from our loved ones, love keeps this world going round. actually, hold on, i'm gonna get back to u on this thought.